I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry.

It's starting to become apparent that people don't know what happened. 

I think when go on these long, extended hiatuses, we fall into an "out of sight, out of mind" scenario. It's no one's fault, of course. Different spheres of our lives need different attention in different amounts at different times. In the last 18 months, the art sphere has not been my focus, and there are a lot of reasons for that.

I guess no one knew why.

I'm not sure anyone really cared why.

No one asked.

But I didn't go around telling either. So it's on me.

In 2016, I lost about half of my family. I spent so much time in hospitals. So many teary conversations on the phone. So many plane tickets. So many funerals. Each was more tragic than the last. 

Then November 8th came and left. And as much as a joke to say as it has become, "I still haven't really processed the election". It would be funny if it wasn't so true.

So in 2017, my sister and I pulled our resources (really, she pulled her resources and blessed me with the trip) and headed to Africa for a period of time. We needed to get away. We needed to be somewhere else. So we went.

And then it still wasn't enough and we still couldn't stand to be here, so we pulled our resources again (really, my inlaws pulled their resources and blessed us with a trip) and we headed to the arctic for a period of time. And christian and I got married, and now we're married.

And while in 2017 we have done nothing but try to surround each other with love and kindness and support and affirmations, none of us feel healed. 

And I couldn't create.

I could not. I just could not.

Then we got hit by the hurricane, and that was okay, because we were lucky and found a new home and it was going to be okay. And this was a chance, because now we were somewhere new. Now we were no longer in the place we lived in while hearing all the bad news. No longer sleeping in the room where we cried on the bed about how unfair this all was. No longer in the city from which we drove back and fourth to the hospital. We were somewhere else. Anywhere else.

So I started to create again. And I'm still not sure if this feels right, but I'm trying. 

I know I've lost touch with a lot of people here over the last 18 months. I know many of you tried to keep up with me on facebook, and my beliefs scared you away. I know I can be a challenge. It hurts, but I understand.

I don't know if I'm really welcome here anymore, if there's a community that will support or affirm me anymore, if my work would be acknowledged anymore, if we jive anymore. But I'd like to try, if I can.